I never wished to be older. I felt older.
I started school a year earlier than most so growing up, I was always younger than my friends. Even now, I'm still one of the youngest at work. (I'm waiting for the balance to tip.)
I wonder if associating with people older than me forced me to grow up quicker. I've always been an 'old soul'. Perhaps it's my introspective personality or the fact that I am the eldest child.
As you may have noticed, I think (and write) a lot about growing up and the passing of time. The flip-side of age is, I suppose, youth. And I've been reflecting on this too.
Four years after her last album 21, Adele announced this week that her third album 25 would be out on 20 November and released the first single 'Hello' today. That voice, those eyes. Swoon.
Someone I hadn't seen in nine months told me recently that I look different.
"I'm older," I laughed. But the truth was more complicated. My faith in life, in myself, had been shaken this year. I couldn't remember how it felt to be me. I was dying without dying. Drowning.
I wanted to believe him when he said I was the same girl he met two years ago. But I'm not. Oh, she's in here somewhere. Grateful he remembers yet not wanting to turn back time.
I remember listening to 21 before turning 21. I was in uni then and applying for jobs in Canberra. I had yet to have my heart broken, hit rock bottom, question everything. That will change you.
I'll probably be listening to 25 when I turn 25.