(and she's going on a journey)

If you've been following my blog, you will have noticed that I like quotes.

I collect them like children collect sea-shells. Marvelling at their pithy wisdom. (Re)arranging them on my bookshelf  or blog, as the case may be. Tucked into secret corners. Forgotten.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon -
(Vice versa.) Life gets in the way of plans too.

I jotted down my to-do list on Friday. Three pieces of writing. I worked on none of them.

Instead. I met potential-new-friends. Spent the weekend with my three favourite people in Canberra. Bought a new phone. Added to my reading list. Wrote a letter I'd been meaning to.

This month, I've had my more than usual share of drama... from a car that would not start to blocked drains, writer's block and doubts. Is it enough to have touched the lives of but a few? Should I expect 'meaning' from my day job or am I better off seeking this elsewhere?

Perhaps I'm expecting too much. Or as I was discussing with a friend, simply ambitious.

This emptiness, I struggle to describe. I've lived a comfortable life, untouched by death, illness, poverty or abuse. I come from a loving family. I'm well-educated, well-travelled and well-paid.

I 'should' be happy but I'm not. Not always. Which results in a vicious cycle of guilt.

(I hate the word 'should'.)

Thankfully, I have friends and family to vent my frustration to. And writing. A review of The Bell Jar and a short story on first love accepted within days last week. The thrill never fades. 

Perhaps, just perhaps, this is what I'm meant to be... a writer.

To be conten rather than 'happy'   yes.


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